May 18th

Hi Mom and Dad. I have decided to start a blog to tell you how I am feeling. And since we are all so busy to inform you on my everyday life. Some of these blogs might be positive and some i might cry in as I write. Here is go. Over the past year it has become hard to talk about my physical illnes and my mental illness. I find it hard to exoress my feelings. Instead I have become short and frustrated. The girl that used to love talking about anything, especially herself now HATES talking. I get the question every day, "how are you feeling?" Whether it be by one of you, Lucas, a friend, a co worker, or my boss. I am blessed to be loved by so many and am extremely thankful for all of the people in my life. Especially you guys and Lucas.

Today was a challenging day in so many ways. Most days I wake up and start my day by feeling defeated. I put a smile on my face but my pants don't fit. I can't stand the 35 pounds i've gained in a year. Not to mention that I still get bloated quite a bit. Today I had sharp pains all through my abdomen. A few times it took my breath away. I went to pick up my shots that the doctor said the insurance pre authorized. But the pharamacy said my insurance wont cover it. it's 2400 dollars. Here goes another half day dealing with my health and money problems. On the phone with my insurance, the doctors, and the pharmacy. 3 hours later and still no answers. I had to pay over 100 dollars for some pain medicine. Now I am literally broke after paying my car payment, 2 student loans, medical bill payment plan, etc. Then I was leaving work and got pulled over for expired tags. The police officer said I need to change over my license plate and license to Colorado. He was about to give me a ticket but decided not to... I thanked him 10 times but I really wanted to say, "Thanks officer more than you know, because I have no money and I can't deal with much more." I cried all the way home. Wiped my tears and put a smile on and walked through the door. Was feeling okay health wise and then i ate dinner which was beef faijitas. Took a shower and now I am 4 months pregnant. Ready to go to bed and decided to listen to Lucas and start a blog to let you know how I am feeling. Since I suck at talking about it. I'm sorry if this was really depressing but as I end this blog, I find that it was quite thearptic for me. Going to bed, praying for a better tomorrow...after all that is all I can do. Today I feel overwhelmed, defeated, still sick, and not beauitful.

I love you. Night.